


Chip

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Dirk, Depression, Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, dave and jade are a side mentioned thing, dirk and jake dont work out because dirks aro, i think ive covered it?, okay dave and dirk are becoming my pale otp theres no relationshippy stuff woth them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3128495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chip.<br/>Chip.<br/>Chip.<br/>Chip.<br/>Shatter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chip

Chip.

Your name is Dirk Strider and school today felt off. You're not sure why yet, but it did. Everything felt shifted. All of your conversations sounded stinted to you and your brain felt like fuzz for the longest time before you could get it out of your system.

Jane passed you a cookie at lunch and asked if you were alright. You scoffed her off with the answer of, "I'm Dirk Mother Fuckin' Strider. There's never a time when I'm not alright." She'd passed you another with a roll of her eyes but a small smile. You returned it and ate the cookie. Chocolate chip. Generic, but her cooking made it better.

That's where the fuzziness had cut out. The rest of the day still felt off, but you could process things better.

Now you're home in your room, messing with your latest project. Dave's on the bed with his phone, texting madly at someone. Probably Rose. His replies are never this quick with his other friends.

The programming's going flawlessly, until you accidentally hit the close button. Without saving. The numbers are gone and you're staring at your screen with a blank look. Then your the top of your laptop's slammed down and your hand's on it. Dave looks up from where he's texting.

"You okay Bro?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." You take a breath. "Just lost some code is all."

"Shit, how much?"

"Like half."

He actually looks at you now. "Dude, are you sure you're alright?"

You answer with another, "I'm Dirk Mother Fuckin' Strider. There's never a time when I'm not alright."

"I'm getting you OJ or something. Wait here."

He gets up and goes to the kitchen. You lie your head on your computer and close your eyes.

Chip.

You vomit for the first time in years. You're sixteen and you haven't thrown up since you were nine. That is, until now. It was the middle of the night and you felt nauseous and dizzy. No reason at all. You'd eaten, not even a ridiculous amount. All the food was safe to eat. You had no idea why you needed to throw up, but you were going to hurl in your room if you did not book it to the fucking toilet.

Your retching woke Bro up, and Bro getting up woke Dave up, and you just threw up worse. You rest your head on the toilet seat as Dave brings you water and Bro checks your temperature. Its fine. Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. _Nothing is wrong with you_.

Bro tells you to get better and goes back to bed. Dave helps you sip the water, even though you're fully capable, and sits on the bathroom floor with you.

"What's wrong," he asks you. He's your twin. Of course he knows somethings up. Even if you don't know exactly the answer.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm Dirk Mother Fucki-"

"Cut the shit I asked you what's wrong."

You take another swallow of water. "I don't really know. I just got really dizzy and needed to throw up."

He sits with his back against the wall and looks at you. "... You're sure that's it?"

"Positive." You're not. You're not positive about anything anymore. Everything's fog and fuzz and you don't know how to decode it. Because that's all you do. You code and recode and decode and follow instructions. And there's no instructions for this brain fog.

Dave sees your mood shift and hugs you. You sit there stiffly before hugging him back.

"Tell me if it's ever not just that, okay?" You nod, trying to keep your dizzy down at the same time.

He pulls you up to your feet and back to the bedroom, crawling in next to you once you're under covers. You sleep with contact and its nice and pressurized, exactly what you want.

Chip.

You and Jake have been dating for four months and you don't...you don't know how to work through that. Its the fact that he's your friend, one of your best friends and, and, and you think that's all you feel about him. Friendship. That's it. With kissing and snuggling and you love the kissing and snuggling, as much as it embarrasses you to say it, you do. But that's the only difference. You can't feel anything different. You just want him to be your friend but how can you say that after four months?

Jake doesn't feel how you feel. He feels this love you're supposed to feel. He feels the relationship you're supposed to feel. He feels the fucking emotion in kisses that you're supposed to feel. You can't tell him, but you can't keep this to yourself, god its eating you.

Dave has a girlfriend, Jade,so you ask him.

"Dave."

"Mmm."

"What's love feel like?" He snaps his head up towards you.

"What?"

You feel the tendrils of something creeping up your throat, but you can't place it, so you push over them.

"What does... love feel like?"

"You've got Jake man. Are you just not feeling it or-"

"Please just answer the question."

He looks at you for a good minute before speaking. "Okay, seeing as I am a teenager of the ripe age of sixteen, and Jade is also a teenager of the ripe age of sixteen, this is gonna sound ridiculously sappy but bear with me here."

You nod.

"Okay bro. Love is like, shit I don't know, its like being filled. And you're filled with this person and they captivate your brain, but you can still function, right? Like, you've still got your friends and shit, you're not going to ditch them. But you lover's like, prime focus. And you don't want to be apart from them, even when you need your space some part of you wants them there to comfort you. And they make your heart go all thumpy and your stomach go all fluttery and- woah shit are you crying?"

You touch your face and its wet and dripping. Your throat twitches, no that's not right, seizes, and you start bawling in front of your brother. He's at a loss, and rightfully so. You never cry. Never ever. You keep yourself locked and guarded unless its good and this isn't good. But there's no stopping the flood of water from your eyes and the ugly noises from your mouth.

Dave pulls you into his arms. Your shades shove into his shoulder, but he doesn't say anything and you don't either. You hiccup into soft cotton as Dave tries to keep your shoulders from jumping too badly. Because when you cry you cry ugly. And your whole body reacts with hunched up shoulder that jump up with your breathing and hiccup choked sobs that stop that same breathing. Its foreign. Unknown. You don't know how to cry and it always shows when you do.

He shushes you with some sort of patting motion and it works for some ungodly reason. You stand there, wrapped in an embrace you don't want to end, but it has to. He won't stay like this forever.

You push him back gently, staring at the ground. He's looking at you and you give him the smallest of smiles. A thank you that doesn't need speaking. He nod at you and squeezes your shoulder before leaving the room. You collapse on your bed in a heap of self pity and an overwhelming thought mass through all of your brain fog.

Chip.

"I think we should break up."

You look at Jake to find what stemmed this but he reads nothing. There's nothing on his face. You find yourself relieved but croak out a why anyway.

"Its just, you know. You don't seem as, what's the word, invested! You don't seem as invested in the relationship as I am, and its quite disheartening to say the least. Not to say I don't love you! I just... don't think we're quite fit for each other in a romantic way."

You look at him. "You'll want to stop talking for a while I'm guessing."

"Well, I mean, I do need time to sort out my feelings but if you want-"

"No its fine. We both need time apart, so I think it might be best if we don't talk much. I mean, we'll have to at lunch or the girls will kill us for killing the mood, but other than that we need time. Right?"

"Right."

You go and hug him and he hugs you so tight you think you'll break. Maybe you already have.

When he lets you go, you turn and leave. The hug said goodbye better than your words could have.

When you get outside you breathe in air. You just lost your best friend. He won't want to talk to you after this You got that from his niceness. That's not how friendships work after breakups Dirk. Come on you know this. He'll want nothing to do with you. Your fuzz guides you home.

Chip.

Chip.

Chip.

Chip.

Shatter.

You stare at the broken parts of your latest project. It was never going to be finished, why not break it.

You feel the vibrations from Dave's feet when he enters the room. Dimly hear your name under all the foggy fuzz. He kneels in front of you and grabs your face, you move your eyes to his and there's a look of relief before the concern is back. Your ears are ringing so loudly you can't even hear the ringing anymore.

Dave picks one of your hands up and its bloody. Not a surprise, considering the number you just did on failed project number you can't count that high. He pulls you into the bathroom, a reverse of a few months ago. The water registers as cold on your skin, but you can't feel whatever sting is supposed to accompany it.

Your lips are parted and your mouth is dry, so your tongue wets the skin. Dave's looking at you hard and you look back, unblinking. He shakes your shoulders. You limply follow his hands. He does it again, rougher this time, and you just go limply with his motions.

He pulls you into his arms and you close your eyes, shades shoving up your forehead. You breathe and its Dave. You breathe again and feel your fingers buzzing. Another breath ebbs the ringing away. And the last one brings your bodily control back. You clasp your arms around him, tight tight tight.

Everything's wrong but your brother's here and he's holding you steady while you break and while you shatter. And he picks up the pieces and glues them back together with glue so strong it'd take a bomb to break again, and you can feel yourself get put back together.

**Author's Note:**

> hey i lied this wasnt on the agenda but here it is  
> im not happy with this ending but whatevs  
> its whatever  
> ive decided to start venting my frustrations through writing, which ive always done, but more specifically is what this fic and the last one were  
> eyyyy


End file.
